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Interalliance

   Space Station "Shearwater"'s Controller Confirms Readiness for Firekeeper Gala, Evidently Targeting Some Date in That One Unreg Time System Nobody Understands [ 1 August 2326] (THN)

AEU

   Our Armchair Analysts Rate Tonight's Alien Invasion "Five Yikes Out of Yikes" [21 August 2326] (VET)

EAOS

   Repurpose Occupation-Era Outsider-Mandated Rations into an Utterly Palatable Outsider Ration Consommé Using This Formula by Culinary Scientist Alton Ramsay! [20 August 2326] (ESR)

Fringe

   Confusion and Dismay When Area Man's Feedbag Mistakenly Filled with Videotape [22 August 2326] (UPN)

League

   Vestan Sea Captain Pursues Abnormally Intelligent White Whale Until It Is Finally Forced to Surface to Check on Its Stock Portfolio [ 1 August 2326] (OTI)

Mutuality

   What Could the "Infinite Buffet" Speech at "Shearwater" Protectorate Mean? [17 August 2326] (DFP)

Economy

   Japanese Towel Factory Receives Sudden Investment of Chocolate Fountain and Sixty-Nine Slot Machines [10 August 2326] (LCR)

Sports

   Olympic Team Competitive Knife-Dropping All-Star Mark Mark-Thompson on Recent Career-Ending Foot Injury via Dropped Knife: "I Never Thought It Could Happen To Me" [19 August 2326] (EFX)

Entertainment

   Jazz Pianist Jedward T. Hands Accidentally Activates Piano's Ejection Lever During Performance at Frederick P. Rose Hall, Punching Through Five Floors Before Coming to Rest Within ISN Studio During Live Broadcast; Injuries Mild [ 7 June 2326] (LCR)

Tabloid

   Boost Your Attractiveness and Confidence with the Groundbreaking New Product That Doctors Are Calling Tit Jelly [19 August 2326] (TTT)

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